On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
