Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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