I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
