Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we're making bets on your personal life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
