I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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