So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
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I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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