Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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