Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
