And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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