Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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