i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
