It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
