i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
