Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
