I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
