new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize