Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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