oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
