i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
