I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
