wrigley field is MILF paradise
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
