Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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