Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
