I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
