I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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