we're chasing vodka with high fives
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
