there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
