As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
