Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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