Your dad touched me again.
Welp...herpes.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i now understand why vodka
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
