remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
