No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
why is half of my head shaved?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
