On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Its about making memories worth repressing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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