he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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