Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
