Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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