3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
