This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
