when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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