Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
