i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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