Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
