Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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