hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How naked do you want me to be?
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