its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
