just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
