I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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