Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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