how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
