Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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