My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
