tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
