so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
