There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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