I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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