Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
