When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
