I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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