The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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