This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
