my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
did you just send me my own nude
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
