I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize