grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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