She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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