Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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