he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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