just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
