Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
