I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
